This is how women feel when they have earned an impressive title, but not support.
So, great – I got the job, the title, the salary and the seat at the executive table. I was ecstatic about the opportunity to put my skills to use and further the company mission. And then, right away, the group of all white, older men asked me to take notes.
At age 27, I was completely shocked and mostly speechless. Yet, I vocalized my dismay with my direct report later, who headed that branch of the organization, but the response was that taking notes (with my head down, writing in meetings) was a way for me to learn about the company.
I felt like I was being allowed to sit at the big table and scribble, as long as I didn’t make eye contact or any noise, like 6-year-old at the grown-up dinner table in a 1950s-mentality household.
Young and alone as the only female in that circle, I felt diminished, frustrated and deceived. I left the company after a few months. Surprisingly and soon afterward, the organization came back to recruit me again! And that’s when I had bargaining power.
How ridiculous and what a waste of time, money, effort and pain to have to go through that dance to gain respect!
However, the unseen barriers of acceptance of a woman on the leadership team were still there and every day felt like a battle. To continue to have to stand your ground, speak up with the softest voice in the room and fight to have your expertise acknowledged is exhausting. A few years later, I left for good.
But here’s a visual to help explain what happens to women. Before leaving the second time, the organization hosted a full day of professional development, promoting empowerment among the ranks. And yes, I played a role in creating this event, which included breaks or, as I saw it, time for play. I brought my basketball.
I shot baskets by myself for a while and soon others joined in. A lot of others – enough for two teams. Others who were taller, stronger, louder and had more basketball experience – yes, young men. Pretty soon, I noticed, as I ran up and down the court, no one was throwing the ball to me.
Quietly I stepped away while others enjoyed what I brought to the day. No one noticed. No one thanked me. No one returned the ball to me. I had to retrieve it at the end of the day. Alone again, trying a few layups before dribbling the ball to my car.
This is how women feel when they have earned an impressive title, but not support. As Harvard Business Review notes, this happens as a result of company culture! There are unseen barriers like “second-generation bias.” In a place like this, even the three-point successes a woman delivers will likely go unnoticed or enjoy very little fanfare.
“And this is so unfair!” stomps my inner child. But this undercurrent of gender bias is so invisible, it’s insidious. In fact, research shows that many women are unaware of it and even deny it when they see it happening to others!
And this is why women shy away, shut down and stop playing ball. And, according to Harvard Business Journal, female leaders in cases like this are then told that they “lacked presence” and are “not sufficiently outspoken in meetings.” In essence, it’s their fault. They are not leadership material.
The solution seems to be twofold for businesses that need and want women in leadership: Educate everyone in the organization about gender bias; and support women by helping them develop and internalize their own leadership identity with a sense of purpose.
“Integrating leadership into one’s core identity is particularly challenging for women, who must establish credibility in a culture that is deeply conflicted about whether, when and how they should exercise authority,” states the article.
And that’s why women need to be supported, mentored and encouraged to think of themselves as leaders, so that they can successfully jump onto the executive court and take their shot. FBN
By Bonnie Stevens, FBN
For more on this topic, read “Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers” by Herminia Ibarra, Robin J. Ely and Deborah M. Kolb in the Harvard Business Review.
Bonnie Stevens is the editor of FBN. She is a career journalist and public relations consultant. She can be reached at bonnie.stevens@gmail.com.
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