Nonverbal communication can be more powerful – and often, even more influential – than what we say with words. It can have a tremendous impact on how our friends and family understand us.
Experts in interpersonal communication have estimated that nonverbal communication constitutes approximately 70 percent of what is involved in communication. In other words, only about 30 percent of communication involves the actual words that we use. To me, this information is remarkable. As parents, we teach our children how to speak but do we teach them how to communicate? Were you taught by a loved one or teacher about the importance of the hidden nonverbal cues you send out when you talk to someone? My guess is that very few of us were formally taught about this subject. We learned by trial and error. What makes up the non-verbal portion of our communication? Are the cues applicable to both the person speaking and the person listening?
Facial Expression
Non-verbal language is composed of facial expressions, gestures, eye movement, tone of voice, posture, proximity to the person to whom you are speaking and the feelings you have about the topic as you speak. Our face can show interest, disinterest, compassion, confusion, etc., all as you are speaking. Look in the mirror and talk to your reflection about a topic you adore. What does that look like? Now, talk to the reflection about something stressful or sad. Look for differences and how your face supports what you are saying. By focusing on what your face is doing, you can learn how to support your message more clearly. For instance, if you are talking about something sad, don’t smile, and if you are talking about something upbeat and happy, your entire face should reflect that to the other person. Be careful not to send a facial expression that conflicts with the words you are speaking.
Gestures
The manner in which we hold our arms, hands and position our feet reveals a tremendous amount of information to other people. For example, if you fold your arms across the chest, it declares resistance to the other individual. If you put your hands in your pockets or behind your back it implies that you are bored or holding back some information. If someone looks at their watch during a discussion it can mean the discussion is over. NEVER look at your watch if the conversation is important to you.
If you are looking at someone but have your lower body turned as if to leave, you are sending a message that the information is not important to you. I remember teaching my girls: when someone tells you something, see if the words match the way the toes are pointing! By looking at the entire picture, i.e. body gestures and words, you get a better understanding of what was said.
It is All in the Eyes
The eyes are often called the gateway to the soul. Eyes can make or break a conversation. Can you look into the eyes of the person you are speaking to? If you find the other person looking away or not making eye contact, it may indicate a disagreement, lack of interest or even the thought, “Why am I even here?” If you are attempting to hold the attention of someone, you need not actually look at the eyes. You can focus on the nose so that it does not seem aggressive to the other person. When you look at the person either talking to you or that you are talking to, it signals a type of respect. The eye contact says, “I feel that this conversation is important” or “I am eager to hear what you have to say.”
Proximity to the Other Person
When speaking to someone, it is important to understand the invisible wall rules as they apply to personal space. If you stand in someone’s personal space area as you speak, the words will automatically be infused with aggression. This aggressive nature will usually impede open communication. Thirty inches is a good distance to stand away from an individual to have a good quality exchange of ideas. Much more than 30 inches, the conversation may seem superficial or unimportant.
Feelings Come Through Words
The feelings or the energy behind what you are saying is going to influence what the listener understands. If the words and feelings are not on the same page confusion may set in. Make sure your feelings are similar to the words you are using to help the other person understand. QCBN
By Dr. Karon Lynn, Au.D.
Trinity Hearing Center is located at 1330 N. Rim Dr., Suite B in Flagstaff. For more information, call 928-522-0500, or visit the website at www.TrinityHearing.net. Karon Lynn is a doctor of audiology and practices at Trinity Hearing Center. She has 30 years of experience working with hearing impaired individuals. Dr. Lynn may be reached at 928-522-0500, or by email at audio@trinityhearing.net.