Having a family member struggling with addiction is tough to watch play out.
Bailing a family member out of jail over and over can prevent them from facing the consequences they may need to overcome their addiction. Giving money intended for food or rent can turn into the person having funds to buy more drugs. Telling their friends or employer the person is “sick” instead of hungover helps them cover up their addictive behavior. It is easy for family members to enable the person they are truly trying to help. Understanding these actions and what enabling really looks like will help you to set boundaries and help encourage the person to seek treatment and recover.
What is Enabling?
Enabling looks a lot like helping but it really isn’t. When you enable someone, you are giving them the ability or means to do something. Therapists describe enabling as helping an addict with aspects of their lives they need to do on their own but don’t because they aren’t sober. For example, when you pay an addicted loved one’s electric bill or rent, you’re enabling them because they would pay it on their own if they were sober. Your heart is in the right place but the person going through addiction can manipulate those intentions.
These behaviors shield the user from experiencing the consequences of their addiction. Well-intentioned actions are thought of as a free pass by the addict to continue their substance abuse. This way of thinking can delay and even prevent the person from seeking treatment. The good news is there are several ways you can encourage a loved one and get them the help they need.
Don’t Loan Them Money
No amount of money you give your loved ones will make them stop using drugs or drinking. However, your money can fund their addiction. Giving a person struggling with addiction money allows them to have access to substances, downplays the importance of working and structure. No matter how hard it is, you must make the choice to stop giving them money and help push them toward recovery.
Don’t Rescue Them from Legal Consequences
Bailing your loved one out of jail enables their reckless behavior to continue. This type of enabling shows your loved ones that there are no consequences for their actions. This unbalanced perspective can feed their impulsive behavior because they think that they can get away with anything. Behavior like this can also lead to more serious and reckless behavior that can have even greater consequences.
Don’t Make Excuses
Never make excuses for a person going through addiction. You must face reality. The person isn’t sick, they have a hangover. They didn’t forget to pay their rent; they used the money to pay for their addiction. Denying there is an issue doesn’t make it go away. You must accept that there is a problem. Once you do this, you can help your loved one get the treatment they need.
Don’t take over responsibilities
Paying your loved one’s bills, taking on their parenting duties or cleaning up their house allows them to choose substances over responsibility. Doing this takes away their duties, allowing them to continue indulging in their addiction. It is scary to watch someone fail to be responsible due to aspects of their life falling apart. You must understand that hitting rock bottom may be just what they need to realize they need help.
Having a family member struggling with addiction is tough to watch play out. You constantly worry about where they are and what they are doing. You must remember that enabling your loved one only helps the addiction to continue. Once you stop enabling, the person has nowhere else to turn and is more likely to get to a mindset that they need help and seek treatment. FBN
By Roy DuPrez
Roy DuPrez is the owner and founder of Back2Basics Outdoor Adventure Recovery. Back2Basics is an adventure recovery program, up to six months, for young adult males ages 18-30 with substance abuse issues looking for a positive and meaningful life. In our program, clients are exposed to a weekly combination of both wilderness adventures and residential programming. For more information, visit back2basicsoutdooradventures.com, call 928-814-2220 or email rduprez@b2badventures.com.
