Three Tips for Supporting Loved Ones in Recovery

Loving someone during addiction often feels like a hopeless endeavor. You may feel as if you are being used or constantly manipulated by your loved one, making it difficult to want to keep providing support. This level of stress is enough to drag down your emotions and can even make you physically sick. Loving a person suffering from addiction may feel like an uphill battle you will never win. If you have a loved one in recovery or in the middle of addiction, you have probably felt all these emotions. Understand that even during the dark times, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Throughout everything you do for your loved one, you must realize your own health and well-being are your priority. Here are a few tips to help you better understand how to love and support your loved one without losing focus on yourself.

Face Your Reality

Loving someone who is going through addiction may cause your own life to get out of control. You may have this constant fear or worry about your loved one that you are constantly dealing with. The feeling of guilt is one of the biggest issues for people who love someone in addiction; the idea that you aren’t doing enough to help them or aren’t showing enough support.

The first thing you must realize is that you are doing your best. You must also understand that before you can truly help someone, you must deal with your own situation. Look at how you think you are helping your loved one. Are these actions hurting you? If so, then it is time to change your own behavior. Take a step back and get your own life in order. Focus on your health and well-being. By taking this step back, you will get a broader look at the situation and be able to help your loved one in a positive and healthy way.

Understand Enabling is Not Helping

Helping a loved one and enabling are two separate situations. For instance, many times, people think they are helping a loved one by giving them money, giving them a place to stay, or buying them food. You may feel you are helping them, but these are considered enabling behaviors that aren’t helpful in the end.

Once you recognize your enabling behaviors, you can start making different decisions. Doing so will lead to healthier habits in yourself and your loved one. For example, you can tell the person you will no longer give them money. However, you can let them know if they need help paying a bill, they need to give you the information, so you pay it directly to the business. Once you stop your enabling behaviors, you can then begin helping your loved one in more positive ways.

Focus on Self-Care

Self-care means you love yourself enough to take care of your health physically, mentally and emotionally. Substance abuse by a loved one not only affects them but everyone around them. Family and friends will often place the needs of the other person above their own. This can lead to lack of self-care, illness and even depression. Take care of your own physical, mental and emotional needs first. Doing so will make you better equipped to help your loved one through their addiction. If you feel you can’t do this on your own, many support groups for loved ones exist providing care and helpful techniques so you can take better care of yourself. FBN

By Roy DuPrez

Roy DuPrez, M.Ed. is the CEO and founder of Back2Basics Outdoor Adventure Recovery in Flagstaff. DuPrez received his B.S. and M.Ed. from Northern Arizona University.

Back2Basics is an adventure recovery program, up to six months, for young adult males ages 18-30 with substance abuse issues looking for a positive and meaningful life. Clients are exposed to a weekly combination of both wilderness adventures and residential programming. For more information, visit back2basicsoutdooradventures.com, call 928-814-2220 or email rduprez@b2badventures.com.